Hey what's good y'all? This is a bit of a long and drawn out story. I really don't want to explain everything in detail but i feel i just need to lay out the framework so its a little bit easier to understand.
I just need some advice and opinions on what to do. I have already 1 or 2 of my closest friends about but would still like to get another point of view from others who might have been in a similar situation.
Anyways here goes. . . .
Basically, It all started a few months ago back in the middle of July, I had just started a new temp job for the Summer which is where I met the girl I ended up crushing on. Work was the LAST place I would of ever thought of meeting someone. I had no intentions of looking for a girlfriend or getting into any kind of relationship for that matter at the time.
We started off as total strangers and then became good friends in a short period of time. When we first met I wasn't drawn to her right away. She was just like any other girl or co-worker. I didn't think much of it. I had a job to do and I was trying to make as much money as I can before school started in the Fall.
After I asked her out to lunch we began going on our morning breaks and lunches together everyday for the next 2-3 weeks.
I also started to notice that she would do things differently at work... She would come into work using the entrance on my side of the building when her entrance was way on the other side. She'd also start using the printer/fax machine near my desk and occasionally walk by and peak in to see what I am doing. I was slowly beginning to get more attracted to her not just for her looks but also her personality.
I ended up getting her number on her last day of work.
Our chemistry together was like no other. Our conversations whether they were in person or over the phone was always fun and interesting. We had a lot in common whether it was similar interests, foods, views on life, or the same taste in music. I started crushing on her hard but also being cautious at the same time. I wasn't in a rush to a relationship or anything but I couldn't deny the fact that I had developed stronger feelings for her.
This is probably not important but I thought I would mention it anyway -
While we were talking on bbm one night she was telling me how even tho i've been a thousand miles away but i'm so ecstatic about this journey (her vacation) of hers and it makes her smile. I respond by telling her - I think your the coolest person/girl I've met this Summer... actually this year now that I think about it.
She responded saying - Really? Geez you said a lot. Thanks that's nice compliment. I appreciate your honesty.
I believe a week 1/2 later while we were talking on bbm again and joking about her the placed we worked at SUCKED and i told her there was times at work where i wanted to just WALK OUT but I was holding back because i didn't want to burn bridges with my temp agency and also if i had walked out I wouldn't have met her. That was the only positive that came out of working there.
Her response was - I know I can say the same thing but you say it better. You make it any experience for me everyday to look forward to seeing what you were up to, and just your beautiful interest in things and me really really touched me. It's so good to have met you too. That's so cute what you said.
If you had walked out you wouldn't have met me. Like it would have been a missed opportunity. With your personality I'm surprised you don't have a great girl already but I just want to see you happy and I mean that.
This is getting fairly long so I will try and speed this up!
I ended up telling her that I liked her more then a friend and the reasons I say and do the things I do is because I had feelings for her. It took me a good 30 minutes to tell her because, I couldn't find a proper way to cut into the convo to to say what I wanted.
Before I could say what I wanted tho it got a little awkward in the car because she ends up telling me about how she had some guy friend from a few years ago who came out of no where and told her he had feelings for her... it got weird for her after because she didn't have feelings for him and then he stopped talking to her after. Other guys who tried to pick her up in the past didn't want a relationship and had only one agenda to get into her pants.
After hearing all that I made me re-think my plan was going to post-pone telling her everything that night and do it another day but my mind was thinking differently. One side of my brain said forget about it and do it next time ... the other side of my brain said who cares do it tonight and do it soon. I had confidence and I had a good feeling about this so I just rolled with it.
She cried in my car after I told her how I felt. It was happy tears or some sh--! I asked her what was her first impression of me and if she felt the same way? She told me yes and that I was different then the other guys. I feel a strong connection and I should let myself open up. ... give it a chance and let myself maybe fall in Love.
I'll be honest with you, I actually hate that word and I don't ever plan on using it unless I really feel it. I liked the girl a lot but I wasn't in love yet!!!!
We ended the night on a high note. The next day we hanged out some more and that night while i was at her door after we hugged.. she says my name and asks if she can kiss me. I don’t recall if i said anything…. she kissed me on the cheek but I didn’t return the kiss back. I am not even sure why I didn't. Maybe it had something to do with my friend waiting for me in the car and I was in a rush to go somewhere afterwards.
Did I screw up my chances?
That night was the last time I have seen her since. We talked briefly for the next two days but our convo was limited. Our conversations took a decline later that week. My bbm msgs to her would not get a read but not a reply. If I asked about something she would respond by asking about something else. I called her once on the weekend but she never picked up. I left a voice mail but that went un-answered. She ended up deleting me off her blackberry messenger contact list the next night. I texted her back and asked about it but that went un-answered as well.
Couple things I should mention... first thing is she got introduced to some guy through some friend of hers before I came along. I found that out during out second lunch meet up. I just know that he cooked dinner for her once and she did the same for him. I didn't think much of it then because I was just getting to know her. They weren't dating or anything. I wasn't sure how long they had known each other for because I never asked.
He stood her up once when they were supposed to go hang out and she got upset about it. When I asked her about him she told me - seeing as in nothing to it... just dicking around. She even called him the "C" word. Her mom told her he wasn't worth her time. This was mentioned to me two days before our first hang out together. I felt a bit jealous when I heard about him so I knew I had to my intentions known when I told her I had feelings for her that night.
Second thing is, she told me a while back me that when she was 19-21, she got into dangerous settings and situations but nothing bad happened. Just very damaged emotions after from either guilt or just hurting her Mom. Also she’s been physically and emotionally abused in the past. I didn’t really know what that meant until recently when i decided to look it up the net. It wasn’t good. . . I told her I was sorry she had to go through it she said it’s ok and she’s glad it did because she learned so much. She also mentioned that her life is a lot like wine. Sweet and dry, bitter but classy. Not sure what that means tho…
Not too sure if those past experiences have anything to do with me or do they? I really don't know what happened or where I went wrong. Was it something I said or did? Did she get scared? Maybe. . . but I guess I'll never know.
It has now been 7 weeks since we last saw each other and six weeks since I last called/texted her. I know have to move on and I already slowly am but the fact that I don’t have closure makes it even more difficult. Not gonna lie, It does hurt to be left hanging and not knowing what really happened.
I still have her number and e-mail addy. Is it even worth my time to call or e-mail her?
Sorry this is so long!! I tried to make it short as possible but this is the best I could do.